Flashback to 4 years ago:
I'm sitting on the floor of my coworker/friend Logan's apartment on my laptop. I'm looking at facebook(because I still had one) and I see that a friend of mine has sent out a mass message. The message details a couple of job openings for a singing waitstaff on a dinner cruise ship in the Baltimore Harbor. I live 2 hours from Baltimore so I write it off and continue on with my internet chores checking emails, etc. My friend Logan turns to me and says "Why don't you audition for that job?". I say "Because I don't live in Baltimore". And Logan replies "So?".
I went to the audition. I got the job. I drove my butt to Baltimore every single day. Sometimes I spent the night with friends, sometimes I made the drive home. Every time, I loved it.
Then I got a grown up job and said goodbye to my Singing Server days. I've been missing that city ever since.
Baltimore has many nick names; 'Charm City', 'The City That Reads' are my favorites. I'm also fond of the nicknames that it's crime rate has invited such as: 'Harm City', 'Bodymore', and 'Murderland' har har HAR. I have a new nickname for Baltimore....'Home'.
That's right! I'm moving! I have been literally bursting at the seams to tell you guys this. Especially because, I need the understanding and support that this blog is a constant source of seriously, you guys are the best. You see, I'm walking away from a substantial income to make this move and also putting school on hold and....a lot of people think I'm pretty foolish. I don't think that they're wrong, I just know that they don't understand.
I was drowning. So help me, I was drowning. I can admit it. I love this town. I love being where I grew up. I love being so close to family. But, I was not ready to settle in to the career path that I was on. I want to live in the city and walk every where that I go. I want to hear the city sounds as I go to sleep, to be surrounded by thousands of souls every day, to blog in little coffee shops on my laptop, to wait tables and chat with strangers, to BE 23 and live in a city that I adore.
And why shouldn't I? WHY NOT? I don't care about the money, I don't care I don't care I don't care. People keep using words like "security" and "safety" when they tell me how stupid I am. What is all of that worth if I'm unhappy? My Dad works in an office. He is great at his job. I admire him greatly and he's happy and successful and settled and grown up. But he traveled the globe before we moved here. He's been all over Europe and lived in amazing places. So has my mother! And they're amazing people for it. They can relax now and reflect on all that they've done. I don't want to rob myself of that. I don't want to wonder what I'm missing out on. I would rather regret something than miss out on it. No?
I'm thirsty. Thirsty for experience. And I'm going to quench that thirst. If it's the dumbest move I've ever made and I'm starving and miserable then so be it. If I have a ball, finish my book, find a publisher and get to do what I love for the rest of my life then so be it.
Also, my family will be 2 hours away! I'll be able to come and stay with them whenever I want! I'll have the best of both worlds! I'm not ready to be far away from them and...I won't be. It's brilliant is what it is.
I don't know if it will be great. But no matter what, I'll learn things. I'llfeel things. I'll do things.
Anywhere that will allow me to walk past Edgar Allan Poe's grave on my way to a bookstore that sells books from the 1800s and a restaurant that has been around since those books were written is the place for me. For now anyway :)
I'm giving my self from a month from now some advice: Laugh. Laugh at your failures, your worries, your problems. Laugh. Do what you can and let the rest roll off of your back. Speaking as your former self, I can remind you: YOU WANTED THIS. LOVE IT.
Wish me luck, darlings. I'm going to need it.