All of my hopes and dreams seem so far away right now.
I still have a lot of hope for my goals. I just feel so tired. Tired of wishing for things. Tired of feeling inadequate. Tired of the knot in my stomach every day.
The worst part about this is that I can’t put a finger on it. I’m not the type of person to wallow in sadness. I always try to stay positive, even when I’m afraid. Even when I let myself down. Even when I feel lost, I try to keep my focus on what’s next. But without any idea of why I’m feeling this way, that seems impossible. I try to take a deep breath and take stock of the great things in my life. I try to get excited for all of the things that I have been blessed with.
I just get sad and worn out all over again.
I find myself spacing out and just staring. I cry at inappropriate times. Like when those commercials for Disneyworld come on and parents surprise their kids with a trip. They film their reaction and the children are screaming with joy. I just burst into tears. I don’t know why. What is that?
I have been obsessed with hearing how people deal with hardships. Pouring over news articles and watching movies about people who have it much worse than I do.
I look through old pictures and remember what a great childhood I had and how lucky I really am. I look at this blog and at all of you wonderful people who, for some reason, care about what I have to say.
But I can’t shake this raincloud.