I can't tell you how much it means to me to have support on this blog. Your comments on my last post and every post made me feel a lot better about being so blue lately. I'm not sure where I'm headed yet as far as a solution since I'm secretly hoping that I'll wake up tomorrow and miraculously feel better but your suggestions and support are giving me a lot of hope. Seriously.
Most of my thoughts over the past few weeks have focused ENTIRELY on how much effort I am putting into reaching my goals in life. I constantly compare myself to others who doesn't and I never feel like I'm doing enough. Where did this sudden standard come from? What exactly is it that I'm trying to live up to? To be honest, I really have no idea. I have no idea what "enough" is. And without any idea what it is, I'm really setting myself up for failure here.
The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it sounds.
I know that sometimes in life, we lose our way. I know that no matter how many epiphanies we have in that scary time of facing the unknown, none of these realizations guarantee us a light to show us the way out....the way to our happiness. Coming to terms with the invisible standard that I've been holding myself to does, somehow, make me feel like being so lost at the moment is okay. Not having the tools to try as hard as I have in the past or try as hard as other people means absolutely nothing. If I had those tools, I could make the progress that I need to but I'm not going to find the answers by making myself crazy and beating myself up over my lack of effort.
My buddy Rob shared a little piece of wisdom with me the other day. It put into words, exactly what I was beginning to realize about this hell that I've been putting myself through.
This has been my mantra for the past few days as I try to collect my thoughts and feel better about myself. Just because I'm not as productive as I have been in the past does not mean that I'm not making progress. Everything in life is relative and what works for me right now is what I should be concentrating on. What I'm capable of is bound to fluctuate and I need to continue to strive for better, but also cut myself some slack.
Coming to terms with the fact that I'm in a slump is giving me a safe space in my mind and heart to deal with it. How can I get better if I'm convincing myself that it's not okay to be where I am?